23 Dec 2013

Falling

     This is a hard post for me to write. These past few days have been a trial. I realized something today that is hard for anyone to admit to. I've been letting problems and my own selfishness come between me and God.
    In short I was cursing God.
     I'm not going to go into detail about any of the things I'm struggling with. I hate it when people do that too, but it is very personal. One of the things I'm dealing with. That I don't mind sharing, is an allergic reaction to an unknown substance. That resulted in a itchy, red skin rash that's  covering my face and arms. The rest of my problems are not relevant to this post and won't change the message I'm trying to get across.
     You know that saying, I think it's in the Bible. I don't have time to look it up, but feel free too. It's something about if you think you stand you're falling or going to fall. I'm paraphrasing, sorry. What I'm trying to say was that I was one of those people. I was starting to feel invincible.My faith was strong nothing was going to change that.
     Pride is dangerous. This past week made me realize how wrong my own thinking was. I fell so fast and hit the bottom hard. When that happened the first thing I lost was my trust in God. It was almost like I never had it in the first place. It was so easy for me to blame all my problems on God. I questioned everything I stood for. I convinced myself it might all be a lie.
     I always thought I would be like Job, undeterred by anything Satan and the world threw at me. I didn't face anything even close to that, and I broke. Then it hit me like my own personal lighting bolt from God, that was the point. He was bringing me down to size showing me how vulnerable and breakable I am.
     I'm not saying that I think God put all the obstacles in my life just to break me, and watch me fall. It's more like he orchestrated a way for me to see his glory even in the midst of a storm. He helped me see how far I had fallen, and is helping me get back to Him.
     I'm not writing this because all my problems have gone away. In fact every single one of them is still with me. I've just gotten some perspective that will help me from drowning in my own despair.
( It's easy to feel depressed when you have a rash.)
     My main point being that if God was testing me, like Job. I failed unlike Job. I don't have unshakable faith. I need God no matter what. I am a sinner in need of forgiveness. Well I hope this post will help whoever reads it with their own problems.
This is my favorite poem

      
      
   

2 comments:

  1. I love how able you are to admit your faults. I need to be better at this. :) Also, this blog rocks!

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    1. Thank you so much. It isn't easy to write about my faults but it's very therapeutic.

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