23 Jan 2015

Here There Be Monsters

I don't think I have ever said it before on this blog, but I happen to have very exceptional parents.
    I am not trying to brag or anything, I just think that I should acknowledge this about them at least once. That is not to say, my family and parents are perfect, in fact were a super dysfunctional bunch. I mean really dysfunctional, but we all love each other and that is what counts.
     Anyway I've been spending a lot of time with my mom lately and were both trying to get in shape. So we've been watching 'The Biggest Loser' together and working out. This is a big step for us as we used to eat chips and pastries while watching it and yelling at our favorite contestants.
      So my mom got me a pair of snowshoes last night and decided to take me on a hike. It was super dark by that time and we both get scared really easy. Keep in mind that we live by a forest, on the top of a mountain, and that's where we were snowshoeing, in the woods.
      We each had a small flashlight which I pointed out would lead 'them' straight to us. I don't know who 'they' are, but I always talk about 'them' when I'm scared. We took our dog and she immediately vanished, we were only like ten feet from the house and I started talking about the various shows, I watched that proved two girls walking alone in the woods is never a good idea. ( Criminal Minds, Law and Order, The Village etc)
       So of course I brought up any vaguely scary movie we had seen together. We generally do not watch horror movies, but it is still easy to scare each other. My mom kept saying  that if we ran into something, she was going to leave me to die. Sad part is she would, so to get back at her I jumped out from behind a tree and roared and she lost it.
       We then came to a hill that we would have to go down, and we stood there for ten minutes wondering if we should. I pointed out that if we went down there and then got chased by something we wouldn't be able to get back up. You can't run very fast in snowshoes. So we called it 'The Point of no Return', then we headed back because it was actually getting darker if that was even possible and it was scary. So we decided to bring my Dad with us for protection.
         He suited up and lead us back up the hill, and I was in the back, but I switched with my mom because we all know the people who go last are the first to die. After walking a while my Dad's flashlight died and I ended up leading, I might add that my Dad did not make me feel safer at all because he kept trying to scare me.
         We went down, 'The Point of No Return' and while I was thinking of blacked cloaked people dragging me away, and saying things like "Here There Be Monster's.'
          My mom was worried about, wait for it...MOOSE.
          She was incredibly scared of running into a moose out of all the things that could happen, I think I would be happy to see a moose.
         So we went back rather quickly because of the killer moose that had yet to make an appearance, and  I tried to keep going. But my parents decided to runaway from me, and my mom was saying, "She will cry!" which of course I was like, "No I wont", but as soon as they started running away from me, I was like "WAIT I WILL CRY, I WILL CRY."
         You have to picture this though we were all in snow shoes and you can't really run in snow shoes. We all looked like coat wearing ducks, and I tripped myself in attempt to get back with them and ended up looking like a drunken duck, and they laughed at me, like the heartless beasts that they are.
         Then on the way back they kept shutting there flashlight's off and hiding behind tree's trying to scare me, my parent's are mean. Long story short we are going to do it again, it was super fun. I love that my parents still can have fun and freak out their daughter in the woods. I may not trust them any more, but at least they know how to have fun.
          I am sorry for this long post, but I thought it was good enough to share, so remember if your ever in the woods beware the Killer Moose.