14 Aug 2015

Decisions

 Just a heads up that this may be a long, and rambling post. Sorry, so sorry

 I think every blog I read did a monthly recap at the beginning of the month, but I kept putting mine off because there was so much, or more likely because I am really lazy.
Anyway, July was a big month for me I had a revelation of sorts, and I made a rather huge decision that is effecting my life in a big way. I decided to move out of my parents house.

I turn twenty-one at the end of this month, and it feels like 'it's time'. I went back and forth weighing the pros and cons and I knew I had to do it, there has been a lot of stuff that contributed to my decision. In all honesty, I am a people pleaser to the point where I let myself suffer for it, I guilt myself into things all the time.

I need to detach myself from certain people, who take far more of me then they should. My parents and I were talking about my decision, and they said they noticed me becoming a more irritable and unhappy person the last few years.They were right, I am usually more of an upbeat optimistic person, life has been taking it's toll.

I refuse to change into that person, I have realized that I need to step away from everything. I need to let go of other people's problems that I put on my self, and as selfish as it sounds I need to focus on me, and what God's will is for my life.

 Luckily, I am moving in with my best friend. That alone has got me excited, well technically, I am moving into my Aunt's and Uncle's but don't worry I will be paying rent. It's quite the distance from where I live right now, about two provinces away.

Cons to this choice are.

My family. I am super close to my parents and siblings and I'm not sure how I will fare without seeing them everyday.

My job, I was working as a nanny for some family friends. It was the perfect job for me, something along the lines of five days a week, only at night, one exceptionally well behaved kid.

My music, I just passed my grade one violin exam. I was going to take my grade three in Piano. I have really great teachers. Who care about my music, and help me face my fears. My violin teacher, took me to my exam played with me free of charge, and took me out to Starbucks afterwords. She assured me I would pass even though I was so nervous. I don't know if I will be able to find such a good teacher again. This is a video of a recital I did, it's terrible and I was so nervous. My bow hand was shaking.

video




Friends, My one friend just moved two hours closer, and now I am moving father away. I only had one other really good friend here, but she was a great one.

So that's what is happening in my life a lot of life changes, packing, cleaning, working, and trying to spend time with each of my nine siblings.

I hope this post wasn't to much of a drag, here is a short clip of me, my best friend, and cousin singing  'Sadie's Hawkins Dance'

video




16 comments:

  1. That is so exciting! I hope it goes well for you! And it's always awesome when you get to room with your best friend. :D

    It's not selfish if you need to take a step back and focus on God's plan for your life and just refresh yourself. You cannot pour into other people's lives if you yourself are empty.

    I am so excited for you! (Okay, so I secreted hoped you would say you were moving to Texas.)

    Your violin playing is so awesome! Violin is so cool! It seems like something that's difficult to play, but it's always so beautiful.

    Sadie Hawkins Dance! Oh wow! I haven't heard that song since I was like fourteen in youth. Everybody sang that song then. :D I'll have to get that song. It's so much fun.

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    1. It is going to be a blast, we are already planning 'Bad Movie Mondays'.
      Thank you for saying that, I do need to refill.
      I actually want to live in Texas at some point, so fingers crossed for someday.
      Thank you, I think it's horrible so it's nice to hear something positive.
      I love Relient K, we sing a lot of their songs, but that one is the best.

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  2. First: You turn 21 at the end of this month? I turn 20 at the end of this month! :D

    Second: Two PROVINCES away? Are you Canadian, too???? :D I'm not sure if I knew this or not. XD

    Third: I'll be moving in with my bff in like three years (Lord willing)! Lol we so similiar. X)

    Fourth: Hey, I think you did pretty darn good on that violin recital! I only heard it squeak like twice! Goodness knows, if I tried, it'd be shrieking like a banshee.

    Fifth: YOU HAVE NINE SIBLINGS???? THAT'S TEN CHILDREN. AND TWO PARENTS. THAT'S SO MANY PEOPLE IN ONE HOUSE OH HEAVENS. XD

    Sixth: lol you guys.

    Seventh: Good luck! I hope you have a fantastical time in your new life chapter! :D

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    1. I do, but I can be so immature. :D
      Yup Canadian and proud, you too eh.
      That's awesome I hope you do. Can't think of anyone better to live with, because I plan to be single for life :)
      Thank you, the lovely squeaking :D I panicked and this guy in the audience mouthed 'You got this' then I calmed down.
      Yes, we do and it is own brand of crazy, luckily my two older brothers are moved out, but two years ago they were both still living at home. Now that I am leaving their is only seven left, and honestly I am taking most of the crazy with me XD.
      So much fun.
      Thank you, I plan to make it a good one.

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  3. I wish you all the best with your move! I'm moving out come September, too, so I can definitely relate to worrying about missing the siblings and friends I'm leaving behind. I'm sure it will all work out in the end, and like you said, it's important to follow God's leading in your life.

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    1. Thanks, I hope yours goes great to. It is a very hard thing, I was never good at goodbyes.
      Very true, I have to keep that in mind.
      :D

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  4. Wow, what a big transition! May you flourish in this new change of scene. It sounds like a hard decision, but also a good one. You got this, girl! <3
    (And I never knew you played violin! That's so neat. It's one of the instruments I wish I knew how to play.)

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    1. It is, I am a wreck of nervous anticipation. Definitely a good one, Thanks <3
      You should learn, It is hard a first but one of the most rewarding instruments. It's also beautiful looking.

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  5. Oh wow. I wish you all the best, dear! I'm praying for you! *hugs*

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    1. Thanks Deb, I need all the prayers I can get. *Bear hug*

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  6. Hey there! So this post totally resonated with me...you are a very thoughtful, self-reflective person and those are awesome traits to have. I'm sure that these realizations took a lot of strength and courage to admit, not to mention humility. It's hard to realize that where we are in life is not where we want to be.

    I'm younger than you (17), but I've gone through something similar as to what you're going through. Honestly, I feel like we go through the detachment process all throughout life, in different forms. But anyway, two years ago, I moved and, thus transferred schools. I was excited about the change...but I allowed the people around me to change me and did things I'm not proud of. Nothing like "super bad", but if something isn't good, it's bad. Things like being negative, talking about other people, and just buying into a negative, gossipy culture as a whole. I didn't do anything to try to stop any of it. Eventually, it made me really depressed and I knew I had to make some changes. Those changes caused me to acknowledge the hurt that I'd suffered, and the mere acknowledgement hurt a lot. Additionally, the changes themselves were really painful to go through. There were days I felt as though I was suffocating and had no one to turn to.

    But you know what? God is the great healer. He's taken me so far, way further than I ever could have hoped to be on my own. Place you hope in Him...He knows what He's doing. Don't be afraid to just give it all to Him. Rest in Him. He's got you!

    I'm praying for you! Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you.

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    1. Hi, I am so glad it resonated with you I wasn't sure if I was actually going to post it or not. Thank you so much, you are so sweet, I have been feeling the opposite of those things like maybe I am being selfish and negative, self doubt is a terrible thing. It is very hard.
      I think age is irrelevant when it comes to life experience, Thank you for sharing this. It's nice to know that someone has experienced something similar. It's those slow changes and decisions that define us, and I definitely relate. I just wanted to say your comment brought tears to my eyes, because you understood, it was like you are reading between the lines, and getting all the things I'm not saying. All the pain and hurt, I am hiding, because there is a lot more going on in my life then what I wrote. So thank you for this, I don't think I will be able to express what it meant to me.
      He is, and he is all that has gotten me through at this point. Thank you, I will.
      Thanks for the comment and prayers, they are always appreciated. :D

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  7. Aw, I hope the move goes well for you!! It sounds super scary to be leaving so much of your life, but i hope you make a new one that's equally happy and satisfying! :D

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    1. Thanks Cait, it is super scary my family is my life, I honestly don't know how I will survive without them.
      Me too :D

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  8. All the best wishes for your move! It does sound like you'll have to leave behind a lot of things, but I hope that you won't be leaving them behind forever and you'll be able to grow even more after the change :)

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    1. Thanks! definitely not forever, I love all of those things too much to ever really say goodbye.

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