10 Feb 2016

Musings of a Overachieving, Selectivley Social, Misunderstood, Perfectionist

If the title didn't make you think this would be a long, and rather illogical post. I'm here to tell you it most certainly will be.

I never thought of myself as an overachiever, but then I also used to be under the assumption that I was normal. So it's already clear I am a horrible judge of character. At twelve I had my life planned out to a T and at the time it all seemed perfectly achievable.

I was going to be a published author by sixteen.

I was going to be making money and moved out by eighteen.

I would get my license at the correct age.

I would have a job, and age appropriate friends ( in other words be somewhat social)

I thought I would have the perfect body and clothes.

I'm sure I thought that I would have or had a boyfriend at some point.

I'm here to tell you that I have accomplished none of these things.

I only really care about first one now, but I digress.

The point is, I was once like everyone else and I'm not now, not even close. Who knew so much could change in nine years. Not only my priorities, but almost everything about me.

I guess that's what growing up is, becoming unattached to things that used to mean everything to you.

Anyway lately I have been feeling a little lost, like Sherlock at a party. I don't fit and maybe I never have.

The old me would be freaking out right now at this realization, I would've immediately tried to fix myself , to change myself. To conform so I would be accepted. I no longer want that.

It's nice to  know that  I stayed true to myself, that just because people told me I would do certain things and become a certain way I didn't.



I think I have finally accepted myself, apart from the fact that I always want to improve in everything. I think I like myself.




Which leads to my dilemma. Very few people seem to agree.

Now don't get me wrong it's not as if  I have hoards of people who are out to get me. Most of these people care a great deal about me they are just worried about the wrong things, or have misconceptions about me that are far from true. Misconceptions such as.

Writing is a hobby.

I am incapable or to lazy to get a real job, and to scared to move out on my own.

I am incapable of getting my license

I'm antisocial and can't make friends

I'm letting myself go

I'm lonely and I need and want a boyfriend, but can't get one.

 These are all untrue of course, but that doesn't matter, it doesn't stop people from thinking them or mentioning them.



It doesn't stop their offhand remarks from getting to me, some days I stay quiet I don't even attempt to defend myself other days it gets to me. It makes me question everything.


I guess it's because life is hard enough, and I already to try to live up to my own insane expectations, I already don't feel good enough, and having people tell me all the things they think I need to change doesn't help.




I hate when they pity me for choices I have made, and just because I choose to live my life a different way. Life is too short to follow the rules, and stay between the lines. I want to take risks, a normal boring life will always be waiting for me. I'm not sure where I was going with this but, my point is it's hard to be different.

Very hard, and very few people will celebrate your uniqueness and not try to change it. Don't let them those people and their disapproval shape you.









20 comments:

  1. Wow. I feel like I can relate to a lot of what you are describing. I'm still trying to figure out this whole life thing, for sure. I try to be my own person too, and not conform to society's ideals. I love the quote from Olan Rogers, "You can't make everyone happy. You are not pizza." Haha, it helps me to remember that I should just be myself, and that I shouldn't care what people think. Good luck with everything, Skye!

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    1. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this. Good for you! Yup, definitely not a pizza.
      Thanks, you too!

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  2. That last gif. Made me laugh. :)

    I do agree. Honestly though, whether you do what they say or don't do what they say, people will find a way to criticize no matter what. It's ridiculous.

    I know what you mean about high expectations for yourself, but everybody else seems to have their own plan for YOUR life. Gah. It's not their lives, so why are they even pretending like they know what's what? And really, I think God sets us out to live different kinds of lives. Some people are meant to live safe, normal lives. Other people aren't. And there's many variations of each. Neither person is wrong. It's just God has them doing different things and that's okay. That's why He made everyone different. As long as you're doing what you think God wants you to, that's really all that matters.

    But, yes, everybody else does irk me from time to time. Especially with the whole boyfriend thing. And the social thing too. YOU MUST BE SO LONELY.

    No, not really. Some people just like to be alone. Sorry to burst the social bubble.

    I'm all for not changing. Actually I've come to a place where I like myself too, and everyone is crying for me to do things differently. Do things their way? If God says I need to change something, okay. He knows best. But I'm not going to cater to whims and pleasures of anyone and everyone. That'd be exhausting, and fake. Does society really want me to be fake? Yes? Then I'm done with society, not even sorry.

    Okay, now I'm ranting with you. Oops. . .

    But I will admit, I am terrified of moving out on my own. I want to so badly. But 1) where to, exactly? 2) all the "what if"s that ensue. But I am going to finish college, so I'll let that determine my next steps and then. . . I'll go on from there, somewhere.

    I will tell you though that having a license is a lot of fun when you have your own car. You can go places! Like the library. And the bookstore. And the LIBRARY! Heh, got a little carried away there. . .

    I'm sorry life is being stinky to you. But you know what "they" say. Whoever said life was fair must be selling something. I hope it gets better soon and people go judge themselves for a little while. I happen to like you the way you are (um, I mean in a not creepy way).

    Hold on to your muchness!

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    1. It made me laugh too :D

      Very true, someone always has something to say. Even when your going with the flow.

      I agree, as long as I'm doing what I believe God wants me to be doing, everybody else's opinion doesn't matter.

      I know right, and after telling you how lonely and miserable you must be they try to set you up. Ugh

      Exactly, and it should be accepted that not everyone needs constant social interaction.

      I'm glad you have reached that point too, it's a hard place to stand in, or more like a solitary place, today's society seems so focused on changing yourself, or being a better you. I'm done with society too.

      :D It's nice to not rant alone. We should just start emailing each other when we need to rant, like about books, movies, or even pizza. I'm sure I would still have an opinion XD

      I'm a little bit nervous, I know I could do it, but I most definitely don't want to do it, at least no at this current time. If I was in college, I think less people would be bothering me, but I guess as soon as it was done, everyone would expect me to know what to do with my life.

      I'm going to try for it in the spring, hopefully I can get it this time. I love the Library, I have been going there a lot lately. I keep singing that song off Arthur.

      Aw, thanks. It's truth nobody said life was easy :D
      I like you too ;)

      I will try!

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  3. I can relate to this SO much, even though I'm still pretty young and don't have to face the hugeness of college or moving out or any massively life-changing decisions like that.

    A lot of my life has been determined by other people, and it's really only been recently that I stopped caring about what they thought about me and focused on what I thought of me (which sounds 100% corny but oh well).

    I really just wanted to fit in and be accepted and have people like me. To me, the worst part is, I condense a lot of my feelings. I NEVER show people how I really feel, but I do cover it up with a lot of hostility and sharp remarks-- so people never actually thought I was doing anything but what I wanted to do and when I tried to tell the people I felt closest to that I felt trapped by different expectations... they laughed. I'd be lying if I said that didn't hurt more than any of the other stuff combined.

    I still don't have many friends, but I do have people I can depend on no matter what. While I know I'm still a ways from being genuinely happy with myself, I am a lot closer. That's something.

    Also, this post is amazing! I don't really think it belongs in the illogical category since this is the most logical and profound thing I've read in a while. :)

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    1. I'm glad, as I was writing this I kept thinking it was silly, and that nobody would care.

      It's rough when you feel like none of your decisions are your own. At least you are figuring it out, I'm starting to think the most important things in life are really corny, you know love and family :D

      I hide behind sarcasm a lot too, it's like a defense mechanism. I hate the expectation thing, living up to people's expectations, or just trying to is really hard. That would hurt, especially coming from people you feel close too. If you ever want to talk to someone, shoot me an email it's in my profile. If nothing else I can relate.

      I'm glad you have people sometimes all we need is one person who understands us to feel okay. At least your working towards it :D

      Thanks! I'm glad it struck a chord with you.

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  4. Oh gracious, YES. Boy do I understand what you're going through.

    Pretty much my entire life I thought I'd get married at 22. I don't know why, I just FELT it. Well, here I am at 23 and haven't even been in a single relationship. My young teenage self thought when I was in my 20s I'd be all grown up and awesome and actually doing amazing things with my life. Hahaha...haha...ha. Ahem.

    Here I am at 23, not even close to being published, only JUST got my first job and it's just a part-time, low paying one. I took an age and a half to get my driver's license and still can only drive to a few places by myself. I didn't go to college, never dated, still live at home. I can't even tell you how many disapproving looks I've gotten when I have to admit I didn't go to college (or intend to). In the world's eyes I am pathetic and lazy. And sometimes it's hard. So, so hard.

    But you know what? I shouldn't care. Because I KNOW I'm living exactly how God wants me to right now. So why on earth would I care what OTHER people think? God's opinion is the only important one. Our family has been through a lot these past few years and God WANTS me living at home and being with everyone during these hard times. I've had a lot of health problems and God didn't intend for me to have this huge, demanding job. I actually was planning on going to college for a while there but He very, very clearly through like a hundred different things told me that no, He didn't want me going to college. And besides, everything I want to do with my life doesn't need a college degree in any form or fashion. I haven't dated? Who cares. God hasn't brought the right one around yet.

    The world seems to have in their head that you have to get your license at 16, graduate highschool, go right into college for at least 4 years, get a career, get married, have a couple kids, and there you go. Well, that's boring and silly. Being children of God gives us the freedom to live differently. We don't have to follow the world's "system". God has uniquely beautiful lives for every single one of us and it's our job to pursue HIS unique plan, not follow along the social norm. We don't have to be chained down by the world. Instead we're free to live the different and beautiful lives God wants for us.

    I am so, so glad you're accepting yourself. Sometimes I let the world get to me and I begin thinking maybe I am a failure, I'm doing nothing with my life. But that's so not true. We don't supposed to do what the world expects us to, it's all about living for God. Don't you ever listen to the world's judgmental lies. *I* think you are an amazing, beautiful, creative person and that it's a wonderful, wonderful thing that you live differently and embrace your uniqueness. But way more importantly, God thinks you're beautiful and has you right where He wants you.

    Don't you ever change. And if you ever need to rant about these things to anyone you've got my email address. I obviously can rant about it forever given this humongous comment. XD But seriously, talk to me any time!

    It IS hard to be different. But it's so, so worth it.

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  5. I'm so glad, well I mean it's tough, but It's nice to have someone to relate to, and someone who gets it.

    Ya, young me had no idea what was coming :D

    I didn't realize we had so much in common. I still live at home, I get by on odd jobs. College was never an option, and the license thing is a work in progress, and what is dating :)
    I don't know you personally, but I can tell you they are wrong. You don't seem like the lazy type. You have such a sweet spirit, and it comes across in your blog and encouraging comments. I think it would be a privilege to have someone like you in my life.

    Yes! So much yes. We don't have to care about what they want, because in the end it's all about what God wants, not what they want, or sometimes even what your parents want. My family has been having a lot of problems lately too, and I love that I'm there fighting with the rest of them instead of off living my own life.

    It's very silly,and I feel bad for the people I know who are stuck in that mindset, who are too scared to be different and stand out.

    Me too, it's a nice feeling. Just don't let them kill your light Christine you are a beautiful person. Thank you so much for reading my blog, and leaving comments. You really encourage me and lift my spirits. There isn't many people like that in this world, so thanks for being one of them.<3

    I am trying very hard not to. I won't if you don't :)
    Thanks for the offer, and same for you I'm always up for ranting.

    It is. :D

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  6. Omg I literally relate to this post so much I COULD CRY. *gives you cake instead* Seriously, Skye, those last sentences though. <3 Perfection and utterly true. I think uniqueness is still something that people struggle with because for some insane reason, humans want everyone to BE THE SAME. And it's silly. We're just not. Agh, I've gone through the "disapproval of like everyone I know" because I'm a socially anxious little muppet and don't even WANT to get married and will disappear into my writing for, like, ever and be so totally happy. xD I'm really glad my parents are 100% okay with me for who I am though. It's really exhausting being someone you're not right? SO KEEP BEING YOU, SKYE. Their expectations don't have to matter (I mean, they kind of do? Because we humans do want to be liked) but just remember there is a horde of people like you on the internet. *sends you more cake*

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    1. Really, wow. Thanks for the cake.
      I think I'm crying now, thank you!
      Everyone I know seems to struggle with it, they always think I'm the one with the problem. I like how you describe yourself :D
      I don't want to get married either, I often say I would be happy as a hermit.
      Your parents must be really special then, I shall!
      You are so sweet thanks for reading. :D

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  7. *sends you all the takeout* OMG I ALSO WANTED TO BE AN AUTHOR BY SIXTEEN. Then I wanted to be agented by sixteen. Now my sixteenth year is nearly over I just kind of want to write a WIP that I feel is really awesome before I'm out of my teens XD But yes, we also should not discount our dreams despite not being able to reach them! Even if we don't live up to our own expectations, we don't have to change for OTHER people. Absolutely wonderful post, Skye!

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  8. So I'm not the only one who hung all my plans on that. I feel that is a more reachable goal.
    True, I keep dreaming anyways.
    Thank you so much.
    <3

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  9. Awesome post, Skye!! I love what you said at the end about not letting their disapproval define you. I had different plans for my life when I was younger too, but not everything works out the way we plan it to. And that's ok. We can just keep striving for our goals and doing the best we can, and it doesn't matter what other people think. Great words :)

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    1. Thank you! Ya, little me had some pretty big aspirations.
      Your right, and there opinions really don't matter in the end.
      :D

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  10. Ackkk THIS POST. THIS POST, SKYE. I can relate so much, unfortunately. Right now the social norm is to go to college. Adults ask me, "What college are you going to?" or "what are you going to study" INSTEAD of asking "Are you going to college?"

    I'm not planning on going to college, and that's really looked down upon in this day and age. Which stinks, but as of right now I don't feel led to that place. But do I know what I'm going to do instead? No. So I look like a lazy person who doesn't want to go to school and instead wants to stay home and type on her computer. Sigh.

    But I really love this -- that you ultimately have to accept where your life is going and know that God has a plan. Great post. <3

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    1. :D I think a lot of people can relate, which was surprising to me I thought I was alone in this. Ugh, the dreaded college questions, I still get them too.
      As soon as people realize you don't plan to go, they seem to get a bad opinion of you.
      Good for you, for chasing a different dream, regardless of what anyone has to say. I for one know how hard typing out a story can be. You can do it!

      Thank you! That he does
      :D

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  11. I relate so hard. I'm pretty sure I made most of those plans when I was a tween and younger teen, and I have achieved exactly none of my former goals (I'm not published, I don't have my license, I've never had a boyfriend, I didn't graduate early, I'm still not sure what I'm going to with my life, and I do have a job, but I work less than 40 hours a month).
    But what I am doing? I'm still writing. I'm working towards college. I'm moving maybe not the way I wanted to, and maybe not the way society says I should be, but I'm heading towards my dreams and I'm headed towards my goals. And that's what matters. :)

    So yeah. Stay strong, girl. And stick to the path you know is right for you. :)


    Alexa
    thessalexa.blogspot.com
    verbositybookreviews.wordpress.com

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    1. I'm so happy I'm not alone in this.
      It's so hard to go against the grain, but you seem to have a really positive prospective about it, I need to be more positive.

      Thanks! You inspired me :D

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  12. Great post! It is really hard to be true to yourself sometimes and not go along with the status quo. It's ok to say NO to people or things if you feel like they will force you to change who you are.

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    1. Thanks! It really is, I struggle with it quite a bit. I have a problem saying, no too. Thanks for reading!

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