15 Sep 2016

The Thing about Growing Up

This is going to be one of those nonsensical posts, that I write and post without editing or any cognitive thought. It will probably get more views than the ones I outline and spend two days on, as per usual.

Growing up, scary words for anyone. Even though it's something we are all doing, whether we want to or not. We don't get a choice and with it comes change.

Growing is change, and I wish someone would have told me that, I wish someone would have told me that it would happen. That it was okay, it's okay to change. It's okay to drift away from people and things you used to love.

Instead people tend to say the wrong thing, they say you've changed. They say it in a way that makes you feel like you've done something wrong. Like you should fix it.

I have tried, believe me I tried to get back the person, everyone said they missed. She's gone, that person doesn't exist. I'm here though and I wish people would accept me as I am, maybe I am a little rough around the edges, maybe I am a little cynical a little broken.

This me, has been through things, has seen things, I can't go back to the carefree person I used to be. I think I came out on top, my faith is stronger than it ever was, and I am more resilient to people's unasked for opinions. Instead of seeing my accomplishments, people always seem to see my mistakes and downfalls. They seem to rate me on them.

My mom remarked to me that I used to be very black and white, I saw evil as evil and good as good. I would like to state that I don't think me changing on this was a bad thing. I think that God is the judge, and that yes most things are black and white, but people. People are grey, because we are born into sin, we are naturally inclined to sin we do bad things. Only because of God's grace can we be free of our sinful nature, so yes my view on how the world works has changed.

She thinks the books and media, I enjoy are too dark. She's probably right, but I relate to broken people, I prefer reality to some cleaned version of the world. The girl I used to be would be horrified at that, never thinking that one day I would curse, cry, and scream at God. That I would question the things that had once seemed so simple. I think the thing to remember is that I never doubted He was real.

Because once you grow up you find yourself tossed into this uncensored version of the world. Suddenly it's a lot colder, darker, and nastier then you thought. People are all clawing their way to the top, people really do fake it, they fake everything. Finding a genuine person is like winning the lottery, because no one wants to admit that they don't have a clue.

Once you get over this, the loneliness sets in.You start to feel very alone in the world, or maybe this is just me. I am floundering through life and adulthood like a disabled squirrel.  Broke and unsure, I make bad decisions. Financially, Futuristic wise, and Fundamentally?

I have become more indecisive, if that is possible. I have moments where I want to delete all of my social media accounts. Which is silly because, I tend to keep most of my issues to myself and I only post when things are going really good.

I can't seem to focus, or dedicate myself to anything. I want to be one of those people, who everything they touch turns to gold. I want to succeed but I am the person holding me back.

I guess this is just me telling you guys that I'm struggling, but it's okay. If anything I am starting to think it's normal. Their growing pains.

I'm not going to let my problems stop me, so don't let them stop you.

Sorry if this post was illogical


  1. * applauds slowly *

    This is a fantastic post!

    The thing is--I think we continue "growing up" in a way our entire lives. It's just that other people can no longer see it, since we're not growing taller anymore. Humans are grey I think, born in God's image, tainted by sin, drawn to both good and evil--sometimes at the same time.

    Right now I can't go into it--but this post was the perfect thing for me to read today. You are inspirational. Thank you. <3

    1. Thank you so much! I was really worried about publishing this.

      *Nods* Yes, yes. Someone gets it.

      I'm glad you enjoyed it, Aww thank you!!


  2. This post was NOT illogical. This post was one of the most real, profound, genuine posts I've ever read. And I just want to say THANK YOU! Thank you for being honest and saying what I think the majority of us are feeling.

    It's hard growing up. Suddenly taking in the world uncensored, as you said. I used to be so optimistic, so hopeful, so trusting. These days I'm more pessimistic, hopeless, and cynical. Because, yes, the world is a dark place. And yes, I enjoy darker fiction now because it's more realistic, more relatable. But also more inspiring. Because as we see these scarred characters fight darkness and come out stronger, we realize we can do the same. ARE doing the same. Scars are beautiful. Darkness just makes us fight more for the light. And of course we're going to change. But that's okay. Change is good. It's necessary.

    I think we should forever keep our child-like wonder of the world. But I also believe we should always be growing, always be learning. It's hard, and sometimes downright painful.

    But these scars we've gained are just stories of how we've grown, and of how God has healed and strengthened.

    Thank you for being honest, Skye! Never, ever be afraid to be yourself, because you're beautiful. *hugs*

    1. I have no problem telling you that your comment made me cry. In a good way of course it's just so nice to have someone understand. All the nice things you day just adasgdasdjj. Thank you!

      I never want to lose my child like wonder!

      It's true I think God uses our mistakes to teach us, and our scars to heal.

      No Thank you, for making me feel okay and normal. It's so nice <3

    2. Now you're going to make ME cry. Awww, Skye! *HUGS* I feel the same way about you. It's so good having someone who understands my life style and has so many of the same mindsets as I do. <3

    3. Ha ha we can cry together, well separately I suppose.
      *Hugs* It's really nice, I feel alone a lot. You help with that a lot.

  3. *hugs* this was such a good post asdjflke. Don't give up! <3

  4. Not illogical at all. I can relate to this about 157% and THANK YOU for writing this post. My mom was actually complaining about the same thing recently...about how I've changed...So anyway thank for being one of those "real" people and not being afraid to hide your real self. :)

    1. I was so worried it was complete gibberish. I'm glad you understood. Though, I'm sorry you relate, it's not the best feeling. I try to be as real possible, it can be hard.

  5. "I am floundering through life and adulthood like a disabled squirrel. "
    Well. This is the quality kind of blog that I love, and one of the few that I subscribe to emails. I actually haven't ever read it much, until you sent me that link, SOMEHOW, but now I'm going to stalk it like crazy :) I love the aesthetic. And this post.

    This post. I've been struggling with this stuff too. I feel like I'm constantly trying to go back to that person I used to be. God's helped me realize some of how this growth has been beneficial, even though now I feel less complete than back then. I guess those holes were always there, now I just know about them? I'll be praying for you. You've grown more than you know, just remember that you have so many complex beauties now that are priceless - treasures you never would have found if you weren't dragged through the dirt in those hard times. <3 :)

    1. Ha ha, yup that's me! I am so flattered, thanks for following!
      Stalk Away! Omigoodness that makes me incredibly happy. I love aesthetically pleasing things.

      It sucks, but I'm glad you understand. It's so hard to accept the change, but embracing it has helped me a bit.
      Thank you! I really appreciate it. <3
      This comment, just Thanks!

  6. This totally makes sense - people grow and change all the time... :)

    1. Glad that it does, I thought I sounded kinda crazy.

  7. Skye! I hope you are doing OK and maybe feeling slightly better than when you wrote this post! As Lauren said, people have to change, but I guess the amazing thing is that God doesn't change, so no matter how much you feel your life is rocking, shifting, uncertain, not what you thought it was ... God is the same. "I know him whom I have believed" it says in 2 Timothy, and isn't that incredible, that we can know God because of his revelation in the Bible? And he doesn't change! I'll pray for you <3

    1. I am doing a lot better, thanks for asking.
      It's really nice to remember that. I am so happy to know that God will always be a constant in my life. I need something that won't change!
      Thank you! <3

  8. Changing is a thing. . . unfortunately. But it can be a good thing! (Or so I get told XD) *cough* Forgive my cynical side; it's trying to come out.

    But hey, people get broken. It happens. I was actually thinking about this the other day because I was looking up quotes from this Hemingway book I read a couple months back. So here's one just for kicks, "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger in the broken places." That's from A Farewell to Arms, by of way.

    It's hard sometimes when things are changing because, I at least, have a lot of questions and things don't make sense. Sometimes I get angry at God, or I doubt Him, or I just don't understand. And I think that's a big part of becoming mature (ssscccarry word there). I think asking questions makes you stronger in your faith in God if you ask Him the questions and look to Him for the answers. Because He's the one who knows everything, therefore He has the answers. XD Besides if I don't ask questions about my faith, then someone else is going to ask me and I need to be prepared for that. I should test myself before someone else tries to test me. I think it makes you more solid in your faith because now you know not only what you believe but why you believe it. And I think it's good to be honest with God. Like when I'm angry. I tell Him I'm angry and that I don't understand. But that I know I shouldn't be angry. So I ask Him to help see what's going on, to change my attitude to what it should be, and to give me grace (and after asking all that sometimes I still say "But I'm still angry" and metaphorically cross my arms like a whiny child. XD) But the this that He knows already anyways. If I'm honest with Him, that shows I still trying to keep our relationship going. And God is very forgiving (obviously). He understands and He'll help me understand or change my attitude or whatever it is that's going on. And He'll forgive me for my failings.

    Anyway. That got a lot longer than it was supposed to be.

    But I love, LOVE this post! And it feels like it's structured well too. I mean, I would've never guessed that you didn't work on it longer if you hadn't mentioned it.

    There's was this one insta caption I saw once. (It's amazing how sometimes an insta caption is the sermon I need for the week.) It read, "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." I thought it was interesting.

    So I'm praying for you. (And planning to email you back soon when I "get my act together." As if I ever have everything "together." Pfft.) I do realize that this post is older though. XD But oh well!

    I love ALL the Hiccup gifs. Hiccup is like my spirit cartoon or something. And that last gif. YES! Gummy bears are necessary for life. Or sour gummy worms. . .

    1. I am rather cynical too, so don't worry!

      I really like that quote, yup I don't think I am broken beyond repair. It definitely made me stronger.

      My mom always said God is big enough, he can take it! I think it definitely is a sign of maturity, you have to be able to question what you believe. To analyze it and understand it. I love the image of a whiny child. I do that quite a bit. I love that his forgiveness is always there I need it.

      No worries, I needed that so thank you!

      Thanks! I'm glad it comes across that way, I tend to overthink things, so I think if I don't think about it. My posts turn out better.

      That is perfect, wow!

      Thank you, always appreciated. Ha ha me too, there is too much to do!

      I know, I watched it and I was like me! Hiccup is amazing, I wish I had his skill with sarcasm.

      Yes, yes they are :)